How many times have you heard a story and said to yourself “that can’t be true?”

Well, trust Lorraine, all of these are.

On a previous cruise I was chatting with a fellow passenger shortly after boarding. She asked “what side of the ship are you on?” When Lorraine answered “starboard” the woman replied “I always request port side because that way I can see the ports from my balcony –you know, that’s why it’s called “PORT.”

Hullo? The port side of a ship has absolutely no bearing on whether one will see the ports of call from one’s balcony. “Port” is simply the left side of the ship when facing forward.

Besides, sometimes the ship backs in to the dock and other times it goes in forward. No amount of explaining this simple fact would deter her…after all – this was her third cruise and she was very savvy – NOT! Guess ignorance is bliss.

Another time Lorraine and friends were sitting in the Connoisseur Lounge – a cigar bar – as clearly advertised in the ship’s daily planner newsletter. A couple came in, sat down, ordered a drink, and began complaining “this place smells like cigars!” DOH!

When a woman asked Lorraine if she was getting off the ship in Grand Cayman and was answered, “maybe yes, maybe no – have been here several times,” the woman asked “well why on earth do you keep going to the same places?” Lorraine simply replied “why not (?) – it’s the journey – not the destination.”

But the favorite by far is the woman who stepped into an elevator on the embarkation day and saw the word “Sunday” imprinted on the carpet insert and remarked, “Look – there is an elevator for each day – I wonder where the Monday elevator is.”

I trust she found it.